| コース名 |
Grammar Course |
作文日 |
2009/2/16 |
| レッスン番号 |
Grammar 301 |
添削日 |
2009/2/17 |
| 文法ポイント |
目的語の動名詞 |
担当講師 |
Charles |
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| 添削総評 |
１ コミュニケーションの妨げになるようなミスがある。
２ 伝えたいことはわかるが、相手が少し誤解してしまう可能性がある。
３ 伝えたいことは相手に伝わっているが、表現にややぎこちなさがある。
４ ほぼネイティブのようなレベルである。
５ 完璧である。 |
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| 添削結果 |
| 課題質問： |
Imagine that you are going to move. Write about the kind of place you'd enjoy living in. Try to use some verbs followed by gerunds. |
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| 添削結果 |
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| あなたのライン１ |
I hope to live in Okinawa. |
| 指摘箇所 |
I hope to live in Okinawa. |
| 添削結果 |
I hope to live in Okinawa. |
| 解説 |
Your sentence is grammatically perfect, but it is too short. A native speaker would say something like:
I hope to live in Okinawa someday.
I would enjoy living in Okinawa. |
| 評価 |
４ ほぼネイティブのようなレベルである。 |
| 単語ポイント |
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| あなたのライン２ |
There has many nature and beaches which I enjoy. |
| 指摘箇所 |
(1)There has (2)many nature and beaches which I enjoy. |
| 添削結果 |
Okinawa has a lot of nature and beaches, which I enjoy. |
| 解説 |
(1)正確な単語の選択
We cannot use "there" as a subject referring to a place. Examples:
X There is hot.
O It is hot there.
(2)正確な単語の選択
"Nature" is uncountable, so we must say "a lot of nature".
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| 評価 |
３ 伝えたいことは相手に伝わっているが、表現にややぎこちなさがある。 |
| 単語ポイント |
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| あなたのライン３ |
But If I can get much money I hope I move in Hawaii. |
| 指摘箇所 |
But If I can get (4)much money I (5)hope I move (6)in Hawaii. |
| 添削結果 |
But if I can get enough money, I would like to move to Hawaii. |
| 解説 |
(4)正確な単語の選択
We usually use "much" in negative sentences and questions. Examples:
I don't have much money.
Did you bring much money with you?
(5)自然らしさ
It is very unnatural to use "hope" with an "if" clause. Instead, you should use "would like" or "would". Example:
If I had enough money, I would go to Europe for Golden Week.
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| 評価 |
３ いいたいことは誤解なく伝わっています。ややぎこちない表現があります。 |
| 単語ポイント |
You can also say "If I can make enough money, . . ." |
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| あなたのライン４ |
In Hawaii I can enjoy surfing every time. |
| 指摘箇所 |
In Hawaii I (6)can enjoy surfing (7)every time. |
| 添削結果 |
In Hawaii, I would be able to enjoy surfing any time. |
| 解説 |
(6)動詞の形、単語
Since this is an imaginary situation, we should use "would".
(7))正確な単語の選択
Use "every" to talk about fixed things. Examples:
I go surfing every day.
I have tried every dish at my favorite restaurant.
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| 評価 |
２ 伝えたいことはわかるが、相手が少し誤解してしまう可能性がある。 |
| 単語ポイント |
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| あなたのライン５ |
Okinawa and Hawaii are good for me but I like every warm places. |
| 指摘箇所 |
Okinawa and Hawaii are (8good for me) but I like every warm (9)places. |
| 添削結果 |
Okinawa and Hawaii are suitable, but I like every warm place. |
| 解説 |
(8)自然らしさ
"Good for me" sounds like it is healthy. "Suitable" is a better word for this situation.
(9)名詞の形・単数形
We must use a singular noun after "every". bYou can say "every warm place" or "all warm places".
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| 評価 |
３ 伝えたいことは相手に伝わっているが、表現にややぎこちなさがある。 |
| 単語ポイント |
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| あなたのライン５ |
I think this is nice dream, but I continue living in Tokyo. |
| 指摘箇所 |
I think this is (10)nice dream, but I (11)continue living in Tokyo. |
| 添削結果 |
I think this is a nice dream, but I will continue living in Tokyo. |
| 解説 |
(10)冠詞（a/an/the)
"Dream" is a singular countable noun, so we need an article.
(11)動詞の形
You are talking about the future, so you should use the future tense -"will~".
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| 評価 |
３ 伝えたいことは相手に伝わっているが、表現にややぎこちなさがある。 |
| 単語ポイント |
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| コメント解説・アドバイス |
| 質問・コメント |
なし |
| コメント |
Megumiさん、
お疲れ様でした。Great job. Your English is easy to read and understand. You also used a good variety of grammar forms. Please work on vocabulary and verb forms. Be careful with singular and plural nouns with "many" and "much".
Good luck.
Charles |
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